It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
