would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
