Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
