even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
