I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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