You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
