We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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