i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
