Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Randomize
