i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Randomize
