Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
