Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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