I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
