Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Sponge bath it is.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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