Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
