dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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