we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
