hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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