Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You smell like stripper and shame
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
