I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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