Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
