And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
