Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
