"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
