we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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