He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
