I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I need moral support for this bender
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
