I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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