evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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