Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
