so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
