Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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