my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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