its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
