If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
