There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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