Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
