Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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