how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
