WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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