She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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