I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
