i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
