i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
