I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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