She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I can't turn off my feet"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
