You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
