That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
