im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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