Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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