the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
