Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
