Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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