He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
