I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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