I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
