Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
