im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
