pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
